she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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