So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think my vagina is haunted
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can I color on your dick again?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize