I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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