I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
