guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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