I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
