Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Mom said you looked used
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I love you.
Bad choice
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