You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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