he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
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A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.