he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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