So drunk its hurt
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We named our party play list daddy issues
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You need a sexual gate keeper
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it