Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend