"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.