She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
