We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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