And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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