So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
