turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Floor bacon is actually really good
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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