I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life