cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
and you fell through a lawn chair