remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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