I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
