Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is classic penis vs brain.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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