to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
