THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
