I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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