tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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