i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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