I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize