I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
