that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
