You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
