awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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