Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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