Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
