Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Maybe he injected his testicle?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize