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for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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