do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
