She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
