There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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