He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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