Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
