i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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