About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
