party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
