Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
