You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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