it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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