I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize