my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
