Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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