look no pants
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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