I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dicks are not precious.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
