I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
