i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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