I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
