How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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