He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
