I hate your face
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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