i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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