he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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