yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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